“Oh, hey there, that’s a nice car? Whatcha doin’ later?” “Oh, this? It’s just my mom’s Prius. Pretty sweet, right?” Yeah, that will never happen. And let’s be honest, it takes more than a fancy car to seal the deal. But driving the cars on this list, well, they’ll definitely help make up for your bad pick-up lines!
Anyway, let’s dive in to this list of cars that are players in the streets, and help get you in between the sheets! Alright, ladies and gents, let’s get lucky and let’s go!
2007 – 2013 Mercedes S550 – Mercedes for the Ladies
What says success better than a blacked-out Benz? Now, if you don’t know about this beast of a car, the S-Class is, well, pure class. I’m going to let you know right now that you will get lucky with this car, because The S-Class tells everyone that you make 6 figures with its gorgeous leather interior and back seats with tons of room, if you know what I’m saying.
The S550 also has ludicrous power. Putting the ponies to the pavement are either a 383-horsepower 5.4-liter naturally-aspirated V8, or if you’re patient, starting in 2011 the S-Class came with a much more attractive twin-turbo 4.6-liter V8 which had 429 horsepower. I mean, what sets the mood more than the feel of a German V8 throwing you back in your seat? That’s enough to make your passengers scream with how fast this thing feels, throwing you to 60 in under 5 seconds. That is quick for a car this big.
And these are super cheap now! I found a twin-turbo S-Class in a slick grey color for under $10,000. That’s a sweet deal! Just be ready to spend a little cash on keeping it running. And, of course, set aside some dough to buy yourself a new suit. When you step out of an S-Class suited up, people will go nuts for you, or even if you pull up in a hoodie or sweatpants.
People will definitely want to take a ride in your Sex-Class. Wait, sorry, I meant S-Class. Anyways, you get the picture.
Now, the S-Class is big, but size matters! And next on the list is one big, bad Caddy! That’s right, we’re talking Escalade!
2007 – 2014 Cadillac Escalade – Call Me Caddy
If you want an SUV that’s perfect for picking up your date, or lots of dates, the Escalade is huge. This luxurious liner changed Cadillac’s image away from “old-fashioned” and “traditional” to the “modern” and “innovative” style icon they’ve become today! And with that, it went on to become the #1 selling full-size luxury SUV. Driven by celebrities and executives, you’re basically rich by association!
I promise, if you pull up in one of these, you’re going to get Esca-laid! I mean, the truck version, the Escalade EXT, has a bed in the back, and you know what that’s for! Hauling around all the cash you saved by buying this thing! You get a car that’s bigger than most cars on the road, and you know what they say about guys with big cars. They got big wheels.
Now, the 2021 Escalade starts at almost $80,000, but you can pick one of these up for a fraction of the price. I found a 2012 Escalade for under $10,000. Holy smokes! A car that size for this much? That’s just a great deal!
Now, maybe an SUV is too big for you. If you want to cozy up in a coupe, well then, you got a few choices. The first one you should have your eyes on, though, is the Maserati GT.
Maserati GranTurismo – Naughty Maserati
If you want a car that breaks necks and will have people pulling out their phones at stoplight, this is it! You get a leather-filled two-seater and the Maserati name, with a Ferrari V8 in the front! Yeah, Ferrari, those red supercars that 9-out-of-10 times will get you laid… or at least get a bunch of car nerds to talk to you at gas stations.
Either way, that Ferrari sound from the GranTurismo will have people catching whiplash trying to get a peek at who’s driving it! Yeah, that Italian V8 is godlike! And when you pull up to a party in one of these, people will think you’re a millionaire because of that badge and the crazy sound! And maybe also because maintaining a Maserati is just about the most expensive thing you can do.
Anyway, I can assure you it will get you laid when your crush sees you rocking a Maserati! Or so we hope… When this whip came out, it was just north of $115,000, and that’s base price! Luckily, our homie depreciation has got our back, knocking this V8 dreamcar to pennies on the dollar!
We found a white one with a tan interior for $21,000. Nice. A Ferrari-powered supercoupe for 80% off! That’s one hell of an Ideal deal, right? Well, no, not really. Don’t buy old Maseratis if you know what’s good for you!
What is good for you is the far more reliable, far more reasonable, and far more affordable coupe, the fairest lady in the land, the Nissan 370Z!
2009 – 2020 Nissan 370Z – One Fine Fairlady
Built to be a sports car for the enthusiasts, this might be the ride to get if you’re a lonely lady trying to snag a boy toy. Car dudes love the Z, mainly because of its styling, with curves and aggression to spare. But mostly thanks to the manual transmission that will make you so appealing to your favorite car nerd.
Did you know that once you drive a manual you become 10 times more attractive? It’s science, look it up! Wait, don’t, just go snag yourself a “Save the Manuals” t-shirt instead!
And that 330-horsepower 3.7-liter VQ 6-cylinder engine is one of the best engines ever made, and the sounds it makes will give your girl goosebumps! It sounds way too good! And with stunningly handsome good looks and that JDM reliability and modification market, this is a great deal. Just make sure to get the touring trim, which trades the cloth seats with heated leather buckets! That ought to heat things up!
So, if you want to dance with the Fairlady for a fair price, I found a manual touring 370Z for just $10,000. For a car that’s becoming a modern classic, this is a wicked deal. Just keep in mind that as time goes on, it’s going to be harder to find one that hasn’t been ridden hard and well.
Now, as you know, the answer to every question is Miata. But wait, the Miata won’t get you laid! That’s probably true! Maybe this time, the Miata isn’t the answer. But, there is one drop-top roadster that might get someone to swipe right, the BMW Z4 M.
2003 – 2008 BMW Z4 M Roadster – Be My Wife?
The Z4 has all that Miata-esque fun. Top down, 2-seater, small car, big smiles, baby! Plus it’s without any of the drawbacks of the pewny engine, and without the Ken-and-Barbie body styling that the Miata is notorious for. The Z4 M Roadster is the real deal, packing heat with a 3.2-liter inline-6, the famous S54. That’s the same engine that’s in possibly one of the greatest cars of all time, the E46 M3. Yeah, that one!
This beast of an engine pumps out 330 horsepower, enough to send this bad boy to 60 in under 5 seconds. And trust me, this engine plus the super maneuverable chassis will always put a smile on your passengers’ face, because that rear-wheel drive will make you keep on hooning!
Okay, so this is a great car, but how will it get me laid? Well, I’m glad you asked. It’s a BMW, a badge that draws attention. And speaking of attention, it’s summer, it’s time to put the roof down, crank the radio, put your pedal the floor, and get noticed!
So, if you want this Bavarian babymaker, I found a red one that’s sure to get attention for just under $14,000.
Alright, maybe you don’t want to be James Bond in a BMW, maybe your style is a little more Clint Eastwood. Well then, you need a horse! Or a pony? You need a ‘Stang! The Ford Mustang GT!
2005 – 2014 Ford Mustang GT – The Stallion
Now, before you shoot me down, everyone has different tastes! Sometimes you want someone high class who drinks fancy cocktails and is interested in art. And sometimes you want to just saddle up at a bar and find someone easy. Well, if you’re looking for sleazy, easy love, then the Mustang’s for you. I mean, who doesn’t love horses, right?
If your crush is into muscles, then this is the pony car you want to get. Like seriously, the Mustang GT is ripped. Back when I was in high school, this is the car that everyone wanted. I always imagined myself pulling up and revving that massive 4.6-liter V8 with everyone outside. People would think I’m so cool!
Okay, they will probably think you’re annoying as hell, but that 300 horsepower engine is powerful. But with great power comes great responsibility! Yeah the mustang is less of a crowd-pleaser and more of a crowd-killer. So, maybe make sure to tame this wild horse in an empty parking lot before you try and show off in public.
Now, if you want to saddle up on this pony, we found a 2007 GT with a white-on-black look for only $5,000. That makes the Mustang the cheapest car on this list.
Now, let’s talk expensive. What’s the first thing you think of when you hear “Italian sports car”? That’s right, Ferrari! What’s the last thing you think of when you hear Ferrari? That’s right, Mondial!
1988 – 1993 Ferrari Mondial – Get Rowdy ‘Rari
Now, quick disclaimer, this car kind of has a reputation of being the cheapest and least desirable Ferrari. But who cares? It’s a Ferrari! This mid-engined four-seater isn’t anything to write home about, and didn’t make it on our list of great mid-engined cars. Poor ‘Rari.
It doesn’t have a crazy engine note, or have people blocking the road to get a picture, but it’s still a Ferrari. So who cares? You’re at the party, popping bottles, having fun, and someone yells, “Can some please move their Ferrari?” And you reply, “Oh, that’s me, got to go!” People will think that you got fat stacks pulling up in an old Ferrari that looks like a million bucks.
Well, more like a dollar. Or a penny? Because if you’re not careful, that’s how much can be in your bank account. The Mondial is ancient, and it’s a Ferrari. Things are bound to go wrong. So, make sure you do your research when you’re buying one. Make sure it’s under 80,000 miles, because after that point, it’s basically a pricey paperweight. Either way, if you own a Ferrari, chances are you’re going to get laid.
So, if you want to get in one, I found a Mondial for $33,000, and a blood-red leather interior. Wait a minute. I thought this was a list of cheap cars? Yeah, I know, but this is a Ferrari! That name doesn’t come cheap. But, if you want to take the leap of faith, you can have an Italian exotic for a bargain!