What you drive says a whole lot about you. Do people see you as highway hog and cringe when you’re in their rearview? Or are you a 20-something driving a car built for soccer moms? We’re gonna fill you in!
Whether you like it or not, people are going to make judgements based on what kind of wheels you’re riding around in. We’re gonna run you through 8 major stereotypes that people have towards certain types of cars.
At the end of the day, you are who you are, and you should be proud of that.
BMWs
If you’ve ever been sitting at a bar or a restaurant and overheard someone say, “You know, those Germans really do just make the best cars.”, there’s a good chance you had a close encounter with someone who owns a BMW.
For some reason, people who own this brand love to talk about how great the BMW badge is. Of course, these cars are top-tier driving machines. There’s no denying that. But you rarely hear Lexus-owners talking about how their new ES 350 is the best thing since sliced bread.
And BMW boasters are NOTORIOUS for cutting people off in traffic. I guess they want to see how far they can push that German engineering. And look, I know there are a ton of super respectable BMW drivers out there, but when I see that blue and white emblem in my rearview, I definitely clutch my steering wheel a little bit tighter.
If you already drive a Bimmer, don’t worry. Not everyone is assuming you’re a tyrant with a set of tires, but just understand that a lot of people have been pissed off by BMW Driver before, and we’re all pretty sure that more bad experiences are on the way.
Ferraris
Let’s be honest, if you’re sitting in the driver’s seat of a Ferrari reading this on your phone right now, there’s almost definitely a tub of hair gel in your glove compartment. And probably a freshly pressed Versace shirt that you just picked up from the cleaners hanging in the back seat. Ferraris are just about the flashiest wheels you could possibly buy.
If you own one of these extravagant machines, especially if it’s painted red, you’re definitely trying to send the message that you have a ton of money and you’re willing to spend it. Ferrari drivers are the kind of guys that valet their car at the club with a wad of hundreds poking out of their pocket.
And when you’re driving down the highway and you hear the roar of an engine flying by you followed by a red blur that scares you half to death, yup, that guy was driving a Ferrari. Sure, they’re flashy, they’re egotistical, they’re annoyingly loud… but if you have the money to buy the newest Ferrari model, why not splurge and let everyone know how fabulously rich you are?
All I’m saying is that you don’t have to throw it in everyone else’s face.
Minivans
You know what I’m about to say. And if you don’t, you’re seriously in denial. SOCCER MOMS!!!!!!!!!!!
I challenge anyone watching this right now to try to remember a single soccer practice they went to as a kid where there wasn’t a single minivan present. Think about it… Yeah, I thought so. Chances are your childhood soccer field was lined with a row of minivans fifteen minutes before practice was over, waiting for a horde of muddy little kids to jump in.
And I get it, some of us don’t want to shell out the cash for a new car and so we end up rolling around in our mom’s old 2006 Honda Odyssey. And that’s cool. Just accept the fact that people walking down the sidewalk are going to assume that there’s a soccer mom inside that car. Don’t paint flames on the side, that’s not going to help.
And you might say, “Well, it’s super safe and it’s got a ton of cargo space so I can fit whatever I want inside.” And, in fact, you’re right, there are definitely some perks to driving a minivan. But it’s still a soccer mom car.
Lifted Trucks
Oh man, someone’s gonna try to fight me in a parking lot for this one. Lifted trucks are hyper-aggression in car form. If you drive one of these power-lifted pickups, you’re basically sending the message that everyone else on the road is a cockroach under your boot.
I get that driving a lifted truck might make you feel like a badass, but it’s a truly terrifying experience for anyone who has to drive in the highway lane next to you.
There’s also nothing practical at all about having a lifted pickup. If you were really using that truck bed for carrying supplies, wouldn’t you want it to be closer to the ground and easier to access?
So yeah, having a lifted pickup is sort of just a way to take up as much space as possible on the road, and draw as much attention to yourself as possible while you’re doing it. However, I have a strange feeling that anyone watching this right now who owns a lifted truck hasn’t really listened to a word I’ve been saying, and has just been thinking about how bad they want to punch me square in the jaw.
I should probably watch my back from now on.
Subaru Wagons
Did you study biology or ecology in college? Is your idea of weekend recreation driving out to the mountains to look for a rare species of lizard? Then you probably drive a Subaru wagon.
These cars are hugely popular amongst intellectual types, specifically the ones that have beards, put stickers all over their Nalgene water bottle, wear overpriced patagonia jackets, and use the word “rugged” to describe just about everything that they like.
Jokes aside, Subaru wagons do get considerably good gas mileage, so it makes sense when owners of these cars talk about how important protecting the environment is. In fact, the professor at your university, you know, the one who started the Environmental club and shows up to class in a flannel and smells like patchouli. I’ll bet he’s driving a Subaru Outback on his way home to his mountain cabin.
In truth, Subaru Wagons don’t actually perform very well off-road, but if the crunchy, granola, tree-hugging look is what you’re going for, these cars can really kick it to the next level.
Hummers
Close relative of the “Lifted Truck Guy”, the “Hummer Guy” also is primarily concerned with complete domination of any highway lane he enters. What is not a concern to “Hummer Guy” whatsoever, though, is miles per gallon.
In fact, if you still drive a Hummer, you probably think that MPG stands for Multiple Parking Garages, because that’s how much space you’ll need to park one of these things. Have you ever seen a Hummer H2 try to fit into a normal-sized parking space? It’s like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson trying to fit into one of Tom Cruise’s t-shirts. Not going to work.
And Hummer Guys will try to tell you that these big rigs are off-road traversing vehicles, but the majority of Hummers I’ve seen in my day have been spotless and shiny yellow. Kind of like a bumblebee that got into someone’s stash of steroids.
But here’s a mind-blowing piece of information: while GM discontinued the Hummer brand in 2010, probably because of complaints that it was putting out gas-guzzling smog machines, GM has actual plans to release a fully-electric pickup that bears the Hummer name.
It should be interesting to see if Hummer Guys stay loyal even with all that environmentally-friendly electric mumbo-jumbo added in.
Volkswagen Beetle
Face the music, Beetle drivers, Woodstock was 50 years ago. If you own a VW Bug there’s a damn good chance that you either have flowers and peace signs painted on it, or you’ve thought long and hard about painting flowers and peace signs on it.
There are two types of Beetle-owners in this world: old hippies who want to sit you down for hours and tell you stories about free love and the 70’s, and young hipsters who have an unexplainable nostalgia for an era they didn’t even live through. VW Bugs are most often heard driving down the road with the music of The Doors or The Kinks or The Strokes playing out the windows.
These cars have become a symbol for hippie counter-culture, and a guy in a suit and tie driving a Volkswagen Bug is just about as common as a real live unicorn. So if you want your clients to trust you with their finances, probably don’t show up in a rusted out old Beetle….
But if you find yourself headed to a drum circle every Friday and Saturday night with a fresh sack of the devil’s lettuce, then go ahead and get in that Bug.
Toyota Prius
Of course, hybrid cars and electric cars are the future direction of the automotive industry, and we here at Ideal support the preservation of the environment. But let’s just talk for a second about the Prius, and what it says about the people who drive them.
Prius drivers have a reputation for being very vocal about how amazing their tiny little rides are. We’ve all heard the speech. “My Prius needs so little gas, it’s like I’m saving the earth while I drive it!” Or, “I can’t believe all those noisy cars outside. My Prius doesn’t even make a sound when I drive it.”
Yeah, we get it, you bought a hybrid because they’re going to save the world. But a little less judgement towards those of us who still drive petrol engines would be appreciated.
Like I said, the movement towards cleaner energy is a great thing. But most of us know that, and we don’t need to be reminded of it every 5 minutes.
So that’s all the car stereotypes we got for you today. I hope we didn’t offend anyone too much. Well, okay, maybe I hope I got a few of you.
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